From fast food factoids to the significance of Shakespeare's sonnets on Goth culture, JohnVano can answer it all.
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Q: JohnVano, how would you handicap the 2008 Presidential Race?
A: I would probably use a tire iron. That is what Jeff Gillooly used, isn't it? I think if asked to handicap someone, it would probably have to be the candidate I didn't like, who had the best chance of winning. But you understand, I would only do it if asked, by my country.
Q: What are your thoughts on the new iPhone?
A: To my knowledge, my thoughts have not been placed on the iPhone. I think this is unfortunate, as I have many thoughts, and I am sure that iPhone owners would enjoy my interesting thoughts when they grew tired of watching videos or emailing friends. Perhaps they could email my thoughts to their friends who do not own an iPhone. These friends would surely want an iPhone for themselves after seeing the thoughts of mine that they were missing. I think this would be very profitable for Apple Computers.
Q: JohnVano, can Trolls ever make a comeback?
A: Much like the career of John Travolta, those disgusting, large-nostriled, hair-raising toys will continue to have cycles of popularity, followed by devastating lulls. Travolta and the Trolls are currently both in a down-cycle, though the former may be at the beginnings of a new wave, while the Trolls seem dead and buried for the time being. What is amazing about the Trolls, is the lack of innovation. Decades later, they continue to have hair of the same fabric, outstretched, hard-molded arms, and scary-looking belly buttons. But this is probably a good thing, imagine if they were invested with a sound chip or they were made into big, plush dolls? I think it might cause me to vomit.
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