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Getting Better: More Movies of 2007

My rankings of the movies I watched in 2007 continues with numbers 44-46.

The Ice Harvest (#46) was gritty and dark--not my usual cup of tea. The production and script were passable, but I can't recommend it. John Cusack plays his typical, put-upon character who manages to come across as likeable even if he is a fairly despicable person (Grade: C).

Premonition (#45) was the worst of four films viewed during Man Trip V. It was a day when we woke to see a Minnesota Twins spring training game, catch a movie, have a nice dinner, and wind down with some novel-writing time over a cup of coffee. The movie was amusing and the source of much debate and analysis, though it was silly and wrought with contradictions. My buddy Carp has listed it as one of his worst of 2007. Sandra Bullock plays a wife and mother whose husband is killed in a car accident. But the next day she awakens to find him still alive. This begins a series of days (in her week) where she finds little instances that contribute to his death--or salvation. She tries to manipulate these events (Groundhog Day it isn't) to save her husband's life. Does she succeed? Grade: C

Employee of the Month (#44) was mindless twaddle but not as bad as some reviews would indicate. Dane Cook remains a unique enough character to ensure a long-run of supporting roles, though his leading-man status is likely limited. Dax Shepard is impressive as the blustering foil to Cook's character (Grade: C).

More Celebrity Hair on Vano

Josh Duhamel's hair on my head. Now I can star on Las Vegas, too.

Do I look presidential with Bill Clinton's 'do? And how cool would Tom Cruise look with my hair? ...Actually, he looks a little scary.

If I Had a Celebrity's Hair...

A special shout-out to TerribleSpeller for the link to this fun site--HairMixer.

This is me with Brad Pitt's hair. It makes me look younger--like Leo DiCaprio with a mustache.

With Owen Wilson's hair, I look like I'm trying too hard. This also resembles Phillip Seymour Hoffman or Hanna Montanta's brother, Jackson.

If you've ever thought of me as "too white"--here I am as Will Smith!

The Unsatisfactory: More Movies of 2007

My bottom-to-top ranking of the movies I saw in 2007 continues with these unsatisfactory contributions from six filmmakers.

At #52 (out of 57) is Trust the Man, another David Duchovny vanity project featuring his twisted view of the world. This will be my last Duchovny film--as I don't like his view on things. Here, he and Billy Crudup play cheating brothers-in-law who finally grow up and attempt to save the relationships they've all but destroyed. Maggie Gyllenhaal and Julianne Moore turn in fine performances (C-).

Perfect Stranger (#51) proves that Halle Berry is worthless when it comes to picking her own material. She is a talented actress, who picked the right cast (Bruce Willis, Giovanni Ribisi)--but the wrong screenplay. This is one of those films that out-twists itself. It was once all the rage to turn a seemingly-noble character into the villain, but this generally backfires and you end up alienating the viewer. But what really sinks this ship is the ridiculous situations and dialogue (C-).

In Relative Strangers (#50), Danny DeVito, Kathy Bates, Neve Campbell, and Ron Livingston team up for a broad comedy about a smooth-operator who learns that his WASP-y parents adopted him. His birth parents are a couple of trailer parkers with the last name "Menure" (sounds-like manure). As the parents, DeVito and Bates demonstrate a poor understanding of boundaries and eventually ruin the lives of Livingston and his bride (Campbell). The movie is cute, though ultimately unsatisfying, but it made me wonder why someone can't find a better use for Neve Campbell's talents (C-).

The Wild (#49) is a rip-off of the Ben Stiller-led cartoon Madagascar. There is really nothing of merit or disgust to mention here, it was bland and unoriginal (C-).

Everyone's Hero (#48) had a great deal of potential, but failed in the execution. It could have been a whimsical tale about America's fascination with Babe Ruth--and a bit of an education for today's youngsters. Instead, they went for the absurdity of Whoopi Goldberg as a talking baseball bat (C-). Read the full johnvano review.

Transformers (#47) was a loud, CGI-heavy and plot-thin exercise in marketing (C-). Read my full review.

Snow Scouts

This is Madison's first year in Girl Scouting--she's a Brownie. With Girl Scouts, comes great responsibility, the charge to provide the famous Girl Scout cookie to the billions waiting all year for this magical treat. As such, Madison made the rounds in our neighborhood this Saturday--knocking on doors, despite the snowfall.

It was the first time Halle, Emma, or Cooper had ever seen snow--live and in person (though it also snowed Wednesday, so this was the second time in a week).

The kids got real cold--real fast. It was 70 degrees for a spot last week, what do you expect? But it was fun to see snow like that. We've lived in our house for five years and it was our first snowfall there--so I took lots of pictures of the front and backyard.

At the end of the long line was Cooper, the dog, and me (not pictured). The first day of soliciting was pretty rough going, neighbors who weren't home, were already committed to a scout, or were unwilling to purchase. We did find two neighbors and the mail carrier who recognized their call and made a pledge.

Madison has sold about 70 boxes to date (working another neighborhood on Sunday)--she needs 75 for a patch, 125 for a shirt, and 175 boxes for a sports bottle and backpack. I'll let you know how she does. Interested in some cookies? Check the comment section below.

Feliz Birthtado

I know you're not excited about becoming another year older; but if I'm going to get older, you might as well do so too. I've already poked around number 35, and it was all right for me. It's safe, don't worry.

Thank you, Paula, for going ahead of me in so many areas--thinking ahead (because I often don't), watching the traffic 100 yards down the road (because I'm in the middle of a story), recognizing what's missing (like the kids' shoes), and for preparing a wonderful home for me to live in and to return to from work.

Happy birthday, honey, I hope that I can make this one day as special for you as you've made every day special to me.  -- John

The Worst Movies of 2007

As I've mentioned before, I keep a detailed list of the movies I watch and the books I read each year. These experiences are charted, graded, ranked, and filed. Last year I gave you a peek, but this year you'll see all my choices--top to bottom.

Here are the rules: It qualifies as a "movie of 2007" if I saw it in its entirety for the first time in 2007 in theaters, on DVD, or on TV. Made-for-TV films and animated features of an hour or more also qualify.

Ranked 57th out of 57, Underdog receives a D- for its failed attempt to reinvent the character for the big screen. Reimagined as a domesticated animal, Underdog just doesn't have the shine he had as a cartoon hero from humble beginnings. Full johnvano.com review.

Movie #56, The Mistress of Spices, was so bad--it was good. In fact, I feel it's a bit of a miscarriage of justice to give it a D, because I might actually watch this thing again for the yuks. Here's a one-minute synopsis: Village girl found to have mystical powers. Girl kidnapped by rival tribe. Girl evades capture when boat capsizes. Girl is raised in cult of spice mistresses. Girl is sent as spice missionary to urban America. Girl must run spice shop for American clientele, but must never leave store nor have personal relationships with her customers or use the spices for her own benefit. Each person has a spice--she can divine the spice that's right for your situation (the cure you need). She falls for a rugged motorcyclist (Dylan McDermott) and doesn't listen to the spices. Calamity ensues. In the end, love triumphs over all and she brokers a way of keeping both herself and the spices happy. Quote: "Chiles, what you say?"

Lies & Alibis (#55) is an empty caper film--only the caper is not about getting loot so much as it is about covering up a mess. Not much to cheer about in this movie--not great content, and not executed well. I don't really know why I rented it (D+).

My kids loved Meet the Robinsons (#54), but I found it a jumble of in-zanity for the sugar-coated short attention span. I got whiplash watching this feel-good treacle about an orphan boy who visits the future to realize what can happen if you only believe in yourself (the New Age message of our generation). There's a somewhat clever bit about the protagonist's roommate all-grown-up. The movie would have been markedly better if each character took a deep breath and relaxed. "Exhibit A" for what happens when you put more than one zany character in a movie (C-).

Because I Said So (#53) was a vehicle for the resurgent Diane Keaton, and while we love the flustered characters she often plays, we like her best when she also is intelligent and professional. Here, she was only madcap as a hovering and interfering mother prone to bouts of tears. Hard to care what happens when there's no dramatic tension (C-). Largely panned by the critics, I decided to see it anyway.

Emma and Halle Blow Out Their Candles

Scenes from a birthday cake. Our twins, Halle and Emma, turned 5 yesterday. Sniff.

Please forgive the singing on my part. I think you'll see why I could never quite get the melody. Methinks we need a pitch pipe.

Library Foibles

I love the library. Ever since I was a teenager and developed a love for newspapers and magazines--I have loved to drop off at the place paid for by our tax dollars and read free stuff. I developed a love for books only in the final semester of my senior year of college--and now you can't stop me. It's only been in the last five years that I've grown comfortable checking books out of the library. This is because I like to read books and then display them as trophies on my bookshelf. Think about it, I spent time with the thing, peeling through each page, making notes at times... there is a tangible memory associated with every book on my shelf. I can often remember where I bought it and what my life was like while I was reading the book.

But I always had a hard time with the concept of returning a book I had read. Then audio books came into my life. These unabridged recordings made it possible for me to take my love for reading with me on my long commute to work, or on a trip. These served as a gateway to me freebasing on borrowed books in the most traditional format.

The Year I Loved College Football

For me, this was "The Year of College Football." I've always been "pro game all the way" ... "does the college football look abnormally large to you?" ... and "what's with these southern people and their Saturdays?" but now I almost get it. Check back with me in about five years, and we'll see if I'm not even more mature in my appreciation.

Except for a brief foray into college football with Syracuse University's success in the late '80s-early 90's, I have followed the game only as far as it took to know the names and accomplishments of the Heismann Trophy winners, who might get drafted to play on Sunday, and what are the headlines and major upsets of the week (if there were any).

But this year everything gelled. When we moved to Georgia in 2000, I was determined to get into the game. I started following the Bulldogs of UGA, but they were pathetic and gutless. I turned to Georgia Tech, and found them to be very inspiring and on the rise. Then George O'Leary left, and both programs seemed uninspiring for awhile. Then we started visiting Athens, Georgia and we got into the UGA mystique a bit. I listened to the Bulldogs on the radio when driving (if I thought of it), but the games did not become appointment TV for me until this year.