johnvano.com: "I Was Wrong"

Get ready for "a very special episode" of johnvano.com...

I've changed a lot in the past fifteen years (thanks, Wendy for turning me inward) and in many ways I've become the antithesis of what I once was.

1. I never thought for a moment that I'd lose my beautiful hair. Sure, I knew I'd go gray and then white, but never imagined it would thin. Now I'm actually checking the colony every so often to see how many more have migrated to the suburbs.

2. I never thought I'd become a southerner. Though I'm sure I'll never be fully accepted (besides, I like hedging my arguments with, "Well I'm from the north..."), I'm pretty sure I never want to go back. I love the midwest, upstate New York, New England... all the places I've lived and visited; but there's something wonderful about never wearing a jacket or shoveling a driveway that resonates with me. The south also has an identity, unity, and history unlike the north which is broken up into little fiefdoms. I like the friendliness and the no-frills attitude and the association with faith that the south offers.

3. I never thought I'd like country music, but now it's the only thing I listen to. Country music was lame, backward, and hokey, but it grew up and so did I--and now were best friends. I remember sitting on the couch with my roommate in Syracuse, watching the Country Music Televison, discussing "country people" while the screen flickered with line dancers. We sat and puzzled over these boot-wearing bubbas like they were from another planet.

4. I was wrong about Jimmy Carter, too. But give me a break, I was only 7. All the kids at the bus stop came from families that had voted for him on that fall morning in 1976, so I coughed into my arm and confessed that while my parents voted for Ford, I would have voted for Carter. And that's the last time I ever made a mistake with my presidential vote (wink).

5. Excluding the days when they were pathetic and I was apathetic, I've always hated the Atlanta Braves. Until the last two years, that is. They had the gall to call themselves "America's Team," which just doesn't sit right with me (see Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees for more bloated gall), and then when I lived in Florida--they always stood in the way of the Marlins. After I moved to Atlanta in 2000, I kept on hating them and laughed at the griping fans who just couldn't handle division-winning baseball that fell short of the World Series (try living in Kansas City). But my heart grew soft--the young guns coming up had nothing to do with those old teams, my long-distance relationships (Twins, Red Sox, Marlins) were challenging to keep up with and I wanted a team to love that was close to home. It was Fan Fest 2007 that finally changed me. Now I watch or listen to some part of every game.

6. I was wrong about God. Growing up evangelical, I thought there were two ways to see Him (my apologies for simplifying this to the point of caricature)--as passive or patrician. By passive, I mean that I had the impression that God had stepped into time, done His stuff, and left me with the work to do: believe, receive, reap, and rejoice... and by patrician, I mean that I thought the other half was luxuriating in God's favor, adopted, but living like prodigals. I grew up thinking there were active sinners and perfect saints, and while I looked like one of the saints, I knew I was a sinner anyway.

Then slowly, the whole point of Jesus' death and resurrection started to dawn on me--yes, I knew that His work took care of my sin, but for some reason I thought my sin would be gone forever. What I didn't realize was that my battle with sin would continue, but my relationship with God would not start and stop during the battle--it would remain constant, even grow. I began to see that God has an active plan in the world--and in my life--that I have very little to do with. Sure, it looks like I'm making all the decisions, but I don't think that's the case so much anymore. Now I know that He's driving this bus, and though it might go faster or slower depending on my surrender, I'm not doing anything to alter His course.