johnvano.com

My New Job

Starting a new job means meeting new people, accepting new challenges, and minding your Ps and Qs. Here are some of the very important Ps at my new place of employment.

     

 

NFL Playoff Predictions

I'm tickled purple that the Vikings made it into the postseason, won their division, and didn't require a tiebreaker to clinch. Whoo-hee... but as you'll see below, I'm not expecting much from them in the playoffs.

 

Wildcard Round

Arizona 30  Atlanta 27  Actual result: Arizona 30, Atlanta 24

Philadelphia 28  Minnesota 20  Actual result: Philadelphia 26, Minnesota 14

San Diego 35  Indianapolis 34  Actual result: San Diego 23, Indianapolis 17, OT

Baltimore 24  Miami 17  Actual result: Baltimore 27, Miami 9

 

Divisional Round

Carolina 31  Arizona 24

Philadelphia 27  New York Giants 25

Baltimore 19  Tennessee 16

Pittsburgh 24  San Diego 20

 

Conference Championship

Carolina 35  Philadelphia 31

Pittsburgh 26  Baltimore 24

 

Super Bowl

Carolina 30  Pittsburgh 28

Big Scary Christmas Baby

I've never been so afraid of a little baby. Standing in line to buy groceries tonight, a large baby with bulbous bug-eyes stared back at me from his perch atop the shopping cart ahead of me. His brow furrowed, and his eyes popping, he made me wilt back from the intensity of his glare. Also disconcerting was the pillowy soft onesie he wore (kinda made him look like a girl) but his gignormous head and scowling lips confirmed his masculinity. I swear, the kid even had a moustache.

The Santa Story

I thought this post from my extensive archives was fitting for this season of cheer. Originally published by johnvano on 3/1/06:

There are grown men, all over America right now, thinking about Christmas. Why? Because they are literally grooming themselves for November, in hopes of being St. Nikolas.

Think about it. How many different "Santas" are there in America? There are thousands of shopping malls, and each is staffed with at least one Santa-man. How many more are waiting in the wings--aspiring to be Santa next Christmas? They may be paying their dues ringing the bell for the Salvation Army--hoping for their big break, or they might be dressing up for their grandkids, daring only to dream of a much larger audience one day. And what of the black Santa? The African-American man who has this same dream, but many more obstacles to overcome.

One thing all these "Santas" have in common is the commitment to their facial hair. Certainly, prospective employers won't even look at you sideways if you don't have your mutton chops. Think of the years of growing, grooming, and lengthening--of the summers spent in full beard, dreaming of that big break. Take me for example, today I have a beard. I am not committed to it at all--I think of myself as a clean shaven guy, but every 18 to 24 months, I get lazy and grow a beard. Any day I feel like it, I shave it off and go back to my normal life. But these guys have to bearded guys--and when you grow a beard your first couple of times, ladies, it itches! I say this to help each of you understand the commitment these men are making. A sacrifice they are making for you and for me, for our children, and for our children's children.

So the next time you happen upon a man who is a little more grizzly than suits your tastes, ask yourself, is this a future Santa in my midst? Why not take a moment to pat that man on the back, or shake his hand, tickle his whiskers, and thank him for his service to your country!

Twenty Four Bucks Used to Count for Something

We've all heard the story of how the American Indians sold Manhattan for 24 bucks. 60 guilders, actually. Well technically, it was the equivalent of that currency, only in wares and clothes that would have been great luxuries to the Indians. With the "sale," the Indians expected partnership with the settlers (in this case, the Dutch) and assistance in defense against their enemies (other tribes).

To a Native American in the 17th century, the sale of land was not understood as a final transaction, but a sort of renter's agreement. The land was vast and wild and if they could get a few luxuries as the Dutch cultivated the land and became their allies, they deemed it a good trade. They did not leave the land, but continued to use what was occupied the Dutch. In fact, there is some record of particular Indians acting as real estate agents and getting commission as a result of their brokering, often taking the form of overnight stays in the settler's homes (often with their women). One of the Dutch in writing back to Amsterdam, reported that he didn't go half a day without encountering a native and suppling him with some good or service.

So in a sense, the Native Americans were expecting community in their bartering. They were often shrewd and were quite aware of the pros and cons of the trade. The trade for Manhattan even approximates the rate for purchases of other tracts of land (Long Island, a large portion of New Jersey, etc.) and is just less than what fellow Dutchmen traded land to each other for. We all know that later the English settlers abused this relationship with the Indians, broke promises, chased them from the land, and mired them on a reservations, but the beginnings don't sound as awful as they are sometimes described.

This information comes from the excellent book, The Island at the Center of the World by Russell Shorto. A fantastic read.

Bemidji

I seem to have developed a sixth sense. Now when I'm listening to people, or TV characters, I get an odd sensation that I know the exact word, phrase, or location they're going to speak next. It happened again tonight while I was watching "How I Met Your Mother." When the character Robin had to invent a town in Minnesota that she was from in order to fool a bar full of Vikings fans, I just knew she was going to say "Bemidji." And I was right.

Tell me, how can I use this power for good?

I've Sent My Fork to the Smithsonian

My streak is over. After five straight non-breakfast meals went Mexican, I flew out to a BLT for dinner.

This gargantuan streak was not my intention, it started innocently enough as the pursuit of a long-held craving for the oh-so-good Pollo Tropical, a south Florida franchise specializing in flame-grilled chicken. On Tuesday I found a similar franchise, El Pollo Loco, hatched in Mexico many moons ago. It left me asking, Where you been all my life, you crazy chicken? The chicken was so tender, the seasoning so zesty--it was a lunching nirvana.

Then, in the interest of time, I took the family out that night for cheap eats at Taco Bell. Wednesday, someone served me fajitas for lunch (mmmm) and then our standing reservation that night for church supper was, you guessed it, food of the Mexican persuasion. Four times feted with beans, rice, and flour tortillas I imagined my streak was over... until a friend I met for lunch on Thursday decided my descriptions of El Polllo Loco too tempting to resist.

Now the streak is over... or is it? From my count, I've had one consecutive meal with bacon on my plate.

Rot

On my way to lunch today I discovered that my McPaper has gone up to a buck an issue. For over 20 years it cost just 50 cents, and has been 75 cents for only a couple years.

USA Today has been a staple in my life, but I don't know that I'm ready for this.

But I suppose raising their price is better than pleading for a bail-out...

Pixar Picks

I just saw Wall-E today and was pleasantly surprised. Why should the excellence of anything Pixar puts out surprise me anymore? Because the film had been poo-pooed to death for me by those calling it everything from a bore, to a 2001: A Space Odyssey knock-off, to blatant environmentalist propaganda. Instead, I found it warm, funny, engaging, and gorgeous. Here's my rankings of the Pixar feature films to date.

 

1. Toy Story -- Hard to beat the original. No film nails nostalgia like this one.

2. Ratatouille -- My first Pixar surprise. A delicious story and a personal favorite.

3. Toy Story 2 -- A twist from the original that made it worth the reunion. Plus we meet several enduring characters: Stinky Pete, Jessie, Bullseye, and Tour Guide Barbie.

4. Cars -- One of the best Pixar's visually. Enduring characters, and though the story was formulaic, it still went down smooth.

5. Finding Nemo -- Mining parental love and separation to a Nemo.

6. Wall-E -- The newest Pixar surprise. The comedy on-board the spaceship as Wall-E evades detection is great.

7. Monsters, Inc. -- Solid, sardonic spoof of the workplace and nighttime fears.

8. The Incredibles -- For me, one of the most anticipated Pixar releases. The story followed the super-hero form too closely. I liked what they were showing in the trailers the best.

9. A Bug's Life -- A bit too earnest, but holds up well over time.

It's tough to rank such a bevy of great films. I don't think I'd grade any of them with less than a B, most would get an A or A-.

It's interesting to note the way in which people are portrayed in the Pixar films. Besides The Incredibles and Ratatouille (where people are heavily featured) and Cars and A Bug's Life (where they are completely absent), people play a curious role on the periphery. In each film, there is a statement or observation to be made about our idiosyncracies, obsessions, and failings. Go back and watch just for the people parts.