This might be a continuing feature for johnvano.com. We'll call it "The First Five," a list of the first five memories that pop into my head on a subject. These impressions do not have to be profound. First up... The Church.
1. "Act your way into loving."
I remember listening to a 50-something couple in my teenage years. These were some of the hardest working, most wonderful Christians, and they shared how early in their marriage they almost divorced. They said they had fought all the time, and in order to save their marriage, they agreed to act toward the other person with the way they wished they felt. In the end, their emotions caught up with their behavior. I never forgot that.
2. "So why do you want a divorce?"
Shortly after we married, my wife and I decided we should switch churches. It was something I'd never done before (either than for a move, or to follow my dad around as he took a new pastorate), but we did so for two reasons: 1) I had grown very frustrated with the obstacles to service in this particular church which had become a bit rigid in its practice and 2) I was coming off a period of mega-service to my peers (the singles) and there wasn't a group of young marrieds to nurture my wife and I as we got started. I still have regrets about this decision, because I'm loyal, hate to give up, hate to hurt people, and wonder if I could've stuck it out and tried to make a difference. Anyway, I heard through the grapevine that the senior pastor was disappointed about our decision, so I went to him with the desire to bless him. My goal was to encourage him, ignoring the problems I saw, in order to leave him with good feelings and a thank you. After I had shared how much his church meant to me, he turned to me and said, "So why do you want a divorce?"
3. Praying in the New Year
In my first church--the church my parents were raised in--there was a tradition that I am sure was common to many churches of the 1970's and 80's, the midnight prayer service on New Year's Eve. This event was our response to the revelery of parties and fireworks. I always wondered what it would be like to see Dick Clark count down the New Year, instead, I was on my knees, peeking at the wall clock to see if Jesus would come storming back when the clock struck midnight. Afterwards, we'd play king-of-the-hill on the 30-foot-high mound of snow in the back parking lot.
4. Sunshine for Sunday
Growing up, there was always camp meeting. Boys and Girls Camp, Teen Camp, and Family Camp. Our denomination's family campground was a magical place, complete with an underground tunnel connecting the two parts. The tabernacle (where we met for services) was set on a hill, with the seats ramping upward from the front platform. Behind the preacher and choir was a large window that looked out on the water, and the sides of the tabernacle were screen windows that let in the cool breeze of the night. I think this is why I've always been restless in a windowless sanctuary.
5. "I can still see a little bit of the Bible."
When I was probably in fifth grade, long past the point of knowing everything there was to know in church, I can remember giving our pastor's wife a hard time during a Sunday School lesson she substitute taught for us. She was one of the world's great beauties, even as a 10-year-old I could recognize this, and I remember wanting to tease her and show my comfort level with her to the rest of the class (this was also the year I won "class clown" in my middle school). She was illustrating how we often neglect the Bible because we've covered it up with so many distractions, and to show this she had covered her Bible with various magazines, toys, etc. Spying an edge of the Bible still uncovered, I said, "Well I can still see a little bit right there." It's interesting... for far too long, that's how I lived... distracted, while keeping a corner of the Bible visible.