johnvano.com

Milky Grains

Nothing could be better as a kid than to have a pantry stocked with your favorite sugared-cearals: Apple Jacks, Pops, Cap'n Crunch, Super Sugar Bear, Rice Krispies, Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms... I live in that house now. So why can I barely tolerate cereal? Sometimes it sucks when your tastes mature.

More Odd Bathroom Signs

Since you liked my "photos from the restroom" so much, here are a few others I've snapped recently:

 

Protection? Maybe to protect our eyes--and our innocence!

   

This one really creeps me out... I took it Sunday after church at a fast food italian eatery. Remember, this is a sign that is ostensibly for employees. I'm not sure what it says about a place when they depict their associates' hands as being infested with bugs. Why do they employ such people? Surely in our trying economic times they could find some better candidates. Well, at least they wear gloves...

I've Sent My Fork to the Smithsonian

My streak is over. After five straight non-breakfast meals went Mexican, I flew out to a BLT for dinner.

This gargantuan streak was not my intention, it started innocently enough as the pursuit of a long-held craving for the oh-so-good Pollo Tropical, a south Florida franchise specializing in flame-grilled chicken. On Tuesday I found a similar franchise, El Pollo Loco, hatched in Mexico many moons ago. It left me asking, Where you been all my life, you crazy chicken? The chicken was so tender, the seasoning so zesty--it was a lunching nirvana.

Then, in the interest of time, I took the family out that night for cheap eats at Taco Bell. Wednesday, someone served me fajitas for lunch (mmmm) and then our standing reservation that night for church supper was, you guessed it, food of the Mexican persuasion. Four times feted with beans, rice, and flour tortillas I imagined my streak was over... until a friend I met for lunch on Thursday decided my descriptions of El Polllo Loco too tempting to resist.

Now the streak is over... or is it? From my count, I've had one consecutive meal with bacon on my plate.

My Universe is Now Six Cents Off

I had made plans to crow about the symmetry of my universe--but now my goose is cooked.

I love Diet Cokes and stop for them often. For the past several months, McDonald's has been selling any size fountain drink for just a buck, which comes out to $1.06. Meanwhile, RaceTrac (my neighborhood gas station) sells their "just my size" self-serve sodas for $0.94. So coming or going, I'd use a buck and get six cents back, or use a buck and share the six cents. It was wonderful!

Alas, McDonald's has pulled their promotion. Today I was in dismay when I payed $1.72 for my Diet Coke. I'm really not sure what to do.

I Like That Animated Wendy's Girl

 

That's all I wanted to say.

I Did It! I Confess!

Did you hear about the would-be ice cream truck driver who agreed to plead guilty in exchange for a little KFC? If you're going to murder someone, my preference is for you to come clean about, and if it takes a little finger lick'n goodness to put you in a confessing mood--I'm all for it. It just makes me wonder what I would "cop to" if given the proper motivation.

* For a large Coke Zero from Zaxby's: I'd tell you I was the little guy who supplied the older kids with the 100 frogs they used to fill the girls' dorm at family camp in Minnesota. Though my dad figured it was me, I never apologized to the girls like I was supposed to... So today I'll say, "If my actions offended you" I'm very, very sorry.

* For a 16-piece Popeye's chicken banquet: I'd admit that yes, I was the ringleader of the Hee Haw Gang at family camp in Upstate New York back in the late 1980's. Though you never caught me! Ten or so of us would sneak out of our dorms and meet up in the cornfields... prowling around and staying one step ahead of the search parties. Sometimes we'd go to the forbidden town of Ithaca, then sneak my car in the back way with the lights turned off. But mostly, it was fun to watch everyone searching for us. The only place they ever found me was back asleep in my bed.

* For some prime rib from Texas Roadhouse: You have my guarantee that I'd call every William Perry in the Skaneatles, New York phone book and apologize for any emotional distress caused by my mid-1980's prank call, "Is this the Fridge?"

* For a large sub from LaSpada's: I'd admit to all the freshman women during my first year of college that Xavier McDoo was a fictional character and not actually a shy transfer student holed up on Ground Shields.

* Here's a two-fer... for a rich chocolate shake from Jack's Old Fashion Hamburgers: I'd admit to my first radio station that I used to take naps between 5 and 5:30 a.m. on the overnight shift. Or, I'd tell my second radio job that I used to put music CDs on a loop so I could run to the store for dinner after the place emptied out about 7 p.m.

* For a full menu meal at Pollo Tropical: I'd admit that on a snowy day in Syracuse when I woke at noon to find my car buried up to its rooftop in snow, most of the roads closed, and no active bus lines that, yeah, if I'd really, really tried I could have probably dug my way out and made it to the station in time for my shift that night. I just needed a snow day like everyone else.

* Finally, for a lifetime's supply of Ben & Jerry's ice cream: I'd tell you that it was I who sent the ____-filled _____ to my own _____ back in _____. 

I guess I'm easy.

The Most Interesting Man in the World (Besides Me)

Recently, The Most Interesting Man in the World replaced The Burger King as my favorite product or franchise mascot. There is a Zorro-like quality to this character, who was created with the feel of a mythic personality that's become legendary and been exaggerated for 200 years. The concept is genius. Perhaps you've seen the TV ads or heard the radio spots.

• Every time he goes for a swim, dolphins appear
• Years ago, he built a city out of blocks. Today, over 600 thousand people live and work there.
• His charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created for it.
• He's the only man to ace a Rorschach Test.

...and on and on it goes. Just clever. He's the mascot for Dos Equis' adult beverage. I also think his laid back endorsement, "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis" is cool--like he could care less, he's got better things to do, but yeah, I'll throw a nod their way because they make the finest. (Author's note: I don't think I'd ever heard of this company before the ads).

Nothing against the King, he's still in my heart; but let's be honest, he's not the King anymore. More like the court jester. Or even better, T.MIM (The Most Interesting Man...) could be Lancelot to Burger King's Arthur.

My top ten all-time mascot list:

1. The Most Interesting Man in the World
2. The Burger King - Reviving a creepy mascot from the past as an even creepier one today? Priceless.
   
3. Colonel Sanders - Lesson one in bridging an emotional connection to your product.
4. Pop'n Fresh (The Pillsbury Doughboy) - I see it coming a mile away, but that giggle makes me laugh.
5. The Fry Guys - In their time, they were manic comedy gold.
6. Mrs. Butterworth - My syrup's alive! Way cool effect for the 1970's kid.
7. Kool-Aid Man - The dude was a superstar... back in the day.
8. Taco Bell Chihuahua - He got annoying, but who among us doesn't talk like that still?
9. The Sun (Jimmy Dean Sausage) - Love his exasperation: "I get up to heat and light the earth... what's your excuse?"
10. Mr. Whipple - An all-timer. Jealously guards the integrity of Charmin, but a closet squeezer.

Germs and Jesus

Jesus lived in a pretty dirty time--centuries before the black plague and our modern understanding of germs. Though He lived then as an all-knowing supreme being, He didn't routinely wash His hands or encourage His friends to do the same (see Mark 7). It's remarkable how many sanitary things God embedded within Jewish law--presumably to protect His people while establishing His glory and pointing forward to the coming of Jesus Christ. Yet when Jesus lived among us, He felt free to go outside of these laws and eat food with His grimey hands.

If it were you or me, we'd probably change the course of history by teaching people about germs or by sneaking off a squirt of hand-sanitizer. This is one of the reasons I'm less neurotic than I used to be... I figure I wash my hands enough throughout the day to not worry about it if I eat before I can wash again, or shake a hand, and then eat.

Also, I never went for the five second rule when I was younger, but I'm all over that now. In fact, I dropped my cholesterol pill on the floor this morning--it fell under the overhang of the cupboards no less--and I just blew it off and swallowed. Plus, I've watched my kids for the last 9 years... if those little guys and gals could get away with putting their nasty crawling-on-the-floor hands in their mouth all day and not get sick, who am I to feel all evolved and stuff?

*** Seven pounds update: Lost 2 today; 5 to go.

This Week I Lose 7 Pounds

I checked the calendar and it seems our little family vacation is this Saturday. Recently I got my weight down to pre-marriage levels, but I"ve had an eensy setback with the lure of convenience foods. Six pounds have somehow returned.

I gotta get rid of those punks plus one before we head to the beach next week. Game on.

MedicalUpdateMedicalUpdateMedicalUpdate

This morning I finished my last carbonated beverage--at least for the next 14 days or so. Paula and I are beginning the South Beach Diet again  today, though I don't think it will result in the hilarity of my past attempts. I've already been disciplining myself for success so I don't expect the program to be quite the shock it was the first time.

I've lost 17 pounds since November through portion control, bypassing this and that, and cutting down on my soft drink intake. As the weather warms (68 degrees yesterday), I'll also have the opportunity to get outside and walk some more--we took the kids for a hike in the woods yesterday and did 2.4 miles on a hilly trail.

Tonight I have a sleep study to check me for sleep apnea. Check out how this "sleep center dude" is wired up--that's a little scary. Should be interesting. I'll be sure to file a report on that experience--tomorrow.