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What Happens on Man Trip...

...doesn't always stay on Man Trip. This is the diary of "Man Trip: The Southern Brothers."

Last weekend, twitter brothers Double3 and Protagonist joined me, johnvano, for a weekend in Rome--on the back acreage of Berry College. Here are some scenes from our story.

During a contentious game of RISK (1959 edition), Double3 raised the stakes by reaching in our cabin's refrigerator for a nasty basket of rock-like blueberry pebbles. Slapping three of them on the board, he announced that the first to be removed from the game, must eat the berries without aid of water. As double3's men were thinned, I called the gentleman on the left to be our sentry, ensuring that Double3 downed the poison when his fighting men were defeated. 

In typical Protagonist fashion, P forgot he coached an undefeated soccer team each Saturday morning--this left Double3 and I alone for the first 25 hours. This gave us the opportunity to talk about the deeper issues of life, faith, and family without the zany antics of Protagonist to trip us up. And true to form, Protagonist would later be found skivvy-dipping in the collegiate lake.

The first day I introduced Double3 to the wonders of RedBox--and he became a disciple just like me (we saw the wonderful film, No Country for Old Men). The shot on the right is from the top of a Rome cemetery, where D3 couldn't stop obsessing about the work the caretaker must endure to mow the lawns (we dubbed the lawnmower man "Warren"). When D3 and I arrived back at the cabin on the first night, he discovered he had lost the key. We tried windows and attempted to pick locks, before I found a loose screen and a unlocked window, and I squirted through quickly, falling through the blinds and into the cabin, stretching for the bed as I dropped hard to the floor.

Protagonist arrived just in time to bear witness to my strange, cucumber-boat salmon salad (I didn't know I was ordering off the dieter's menu) and to join us for the best gelato I've ever had (when in Rome...). The deer on the Berry campus are abundant, running in herds, shrinking under fences like lamb, and jaunting 10 feet past the cabin, lowing with the sounds of a school girl. There was no substance to them, not like the deer you hit with your car... I was certain I could take one if they charged me and wrestle it to the ground.

We played SETTLERS OF CATAN, an amazing new game--I was deemed the teacher and reader of the rules because Protagonist didn't want to be taught by Double3 and Double3 wanted someone to read who had focus. But I couldn't make sense of the thing, not until Double3 picked up the instructions and I found the summary on the back cover! The game turned out to be a thrill, with Protagonist winning twice, and me picking up the other win (though under protest from Double3)--I also came in second for games 1 and 3. 

The weekend ended with the heavier men of the group nearly dying in the woods. We took a short hike, and with my digital camera, decided with the storytellers and television experience we had, we should make a spontaneous short film. After taping several dull scenes of D3 and P sauntering, I gave up and gave the camera to Protagonist--then I spiced things up by slapping Double3 in the back of the head and running. P taped us chasing each other through the woods. I went near-full speed then climbed a peak and nearly needed a respirator to recover. Protagonist thought it a lovely day to skivvy-dip, so he announced within earshot of a woman and her dog what he was about to do, waited for their departure, and swam. He turned and came back when the temperature of the water nearly took him under.

The term ManTrip is used by permission of VanoCarp Industries. VanoCarp, the founders and purveyors of ManTrip encourage you to take a ManTrip, too.

Man Trip 5: By the Numbers

Carp weighs in with interesting tidbits from our recent road trip...
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Baseball is truly a game that is measured by the numbers. Hank Aaron hit 755 career homes runs. Cal Ripken played in 2,632 consecutive games. Nolan Ryan struck out 5,714 batters during his career. Cy Young won 511 games. On and on it goes.

So, for the fun of it, John and I decided to measure Man Trip V: Spring Training by the numbers. The following are some interesting yet totally true statistics as related to our trip. And yes, we have horrible eating habits as you shall soon see (John's note: But I had 4 fruit cups!).

Enjoy!

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Food Consumption (combined): At the Ballpark

3 Hot Dogs
5 Diet Cokes
5 Cokes
1 Pepsi
2 Italian Sausages
2 Cheeseburgers
2 Orders of French Fries
3 Bags of Ballpark Peanuts
1 Philly Cheese Steak
2 Brats
1 Ice Cream in Souvenir Cap
1 Lemonade


Food Consumption (combined): Away from the Ballpark

2 Prime Rib
6 Orders of French Fries
16 Diet Cokes
6 Cokes
2 Pepsis
3 Dr. Peppers
4 Side Salads
1 Queso Dip
17 Tortilla Chips
4 strips of Bacon
1 Biscuit with Sausage Gravy
3 Eggs (prepared various ways)
4 Cups of Coffee
3 Glasses of Orange Juice
3 Slices of Pizza
1 Whole Pizza
1 Breakfast Sandwich (Bacon, Egg, Cheese)
2 Hash Browns
30 Buffalo Wings
10 Buffalo Shrimp
1 Can of Pringles
10 Scallops
1 Asparagus
1 Mashed Potato
3 Small Movie Popcorns
1 Large Movie Popcorn (attempted)
1 Bag of Twizzlers
10 Oreos
1 Quart of Milk
1 Eggs Benedict
1 Steak
2 Bagels
2 Cheeseburgers
2 Racks of Ribs
1 Asian Cole Slaw
1 Bowl of Squash Soup
1 Quarter Pounder with Cheese
1 Iced Coffee
1 Sweet Potato
2 Gatorades
1 Bowl of Oatmeal
4 Side Fruit/Yogurts
1 English Muffin
1 Tomato Juice
1 Lemonade
1 Bag of Peanut M&M’s
6 Candy Bars
1 Slushie
1 Movie Ice Cream
1 Meatball Sub
1 Breakfast Sausage
4 Chicken Quesidilla wedges
5 Chicken McNuggets
1 Bowl of Clam Chowder
1 Iced Tea
2 Café Mochas
7 Bottled Waters
1 Lobster
1 Crab
1 Oyster
2 Clams
4 Shrimp
2 Orders of French Toast
1 Ham Steak
1 Side of Green Beans

Met Fan

Game five of Man Trip 5--our spring training baseball experience on the west side of Florida--was the Phillies-Devil Rays game in Clearwater. The match was held at Bright House Networks Field, home of the Phillies for spring training and home of their single-A affiliate, The Threshers. Did you know this...? A thresher must be some kind of shark because that is the minor league team's logo. I picked up three girls softball jersey-like t-shirts with this logo on it for my three daughters.

The quote of the game was easily, "YOU HAD THAT COMING YOU PIECE OF CRAP!" shouted by my neighbor in the seat to my left. He was a 40-something Mets fan. I knew this because he was wearing long, shimmering blue shorts, a huge Mets jersey that said "Beltran" on the back, and a Mets' cap. He must have lived in South Florida (on the east coast) because he talked to me about going to the Sony Tennis Tournament the night before (in Key Biscayne, outside of Miami) and not getting home until 1:30 am. Then he got up at 5 am to drive to the game where we now sat together. I used to go to that tennis tourney back when they called in The Lipton and back when I lived in Ft. Lauderdale--I loved it. He must have had great seats for the match, because he showed me all the close-up photos he took there.

Met fan had other homeys at the game with him (about five), but he and I talked quite a bit about the odds and ends of baseball and its players until he took a call and they all left abruptly to "see the boss." He said they'd be back, but they never were. But his outbursts about pitcher Brett Myers--took the cake. Myers was the Phillies' pitcher--and he did a capable job--but when he came to bat for the first time, Met Fan roared from our 18th-row box seats (behind home plate), "Ahhh--here's Myers... Myers--You're a piece of... (decorum prevents me from typing his full sentence here)!!" Then he confided in me, "Anybody who beats their wife is (decorum again). He beat is wife last year--it was in all the papers."

I nodded, "Really?" Then he surprised me with, "I know him, too." "You do?" I asked. "Yeah, we're buddies"--and I am not exaggerating, but he said this with affection in his voice, before he screamed again at the batting pitcher. Finally he added, "We grew up together... as kids."

Next time Myers came to bat, he was hit in the back of the neck with a pitch. As he took his base, Met fan screamed, "YOU HAD THAT COMING YOU PIECE OF CRAP (this is what he actually said)!!" He was so happy, that I was surprised when he didn't jump up from his seat to do a little dance. Later, he taunted Myers with the threat of another beanball, before he and his posse left to meet more of their Met-fan friends.

Don't Lose Your Head at the Ed

The following post is guest-authored by Carp . It's the first in a series of ballpark reviews from our jaunt across the west coast of Florida.
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Spring Training Ballpark Review: Ed Smith Stadium
Sarasota, Florida

The first stop on our Spring Training tour, Ed Smith Stadium, is the spring home of the Cincinnati Reds. 

For those of you scoring at home, Ed Smith, was a strong advocate of youth sports and loved the children of Sarasota dearly.  Perhaps he loved them too much.  We will never know for sure.  Some say he died of a broken heart.  I think he succumbed from spending too many hours at the ballpark without the proper sunscreen. 

The Cincinnati Reds are a relatively new arrival to Sarasota and Ed Smith Stadium, after having moved from Plant City in 1998. Ed Smith Stadium opened in March 1989 as the spring-training home of the Chicago White Sox, who have since shifted their spring-training home to Tucson Electric Park in Arizona. Ed Smith Stadium and the surrounding spring-training complex includes four-and-a-half practice fields and 35,000 square feet of clubhouses and office space.

Enough about Ed Smith Stadium, let’s talk about the ballpark experience we had on Saturday when the Reds downed the Philadelphia Phillies, 7-1.

Our seats were down the left field line.  Subjected to the blazing sun beating against our faces, Ed Smith Stadium does not provide a great deal of protection from ultraviolet rays.  Upon completion of the game my skin had taken on the hue of a boiled lobster.  Of course, I had failed to apply any sun tan lotion.  It was not Ed’s fault, I swear.

Mascot Name-Dropping

At the Reds-Phillies game on Saturday, Mr. Red was everywhere. The cherubic mascot for the Cincinnati Reds was the hardest-working humanoid in Ed Smith Stadium. He was a constant presence in the stands, running from section to section, posing for photograpsh with young and old. When he was in our section, Carp and I had our picture taken with him. Later, we sidled up to the Sarasota Alligator for a photo, and were surprised when--Mr. Red again, jumped into the frame, putting his hand on Carp's shoulder.

Our seats were down the leftfield line, and with no covering from the sun, they were baked pretty good by gametime. Neither Chris or I had sunscreen, so our forearms and knee caps got burned--plus my forehead. Nothing horrible, but every time the sun kisses my arms, I feel the burn. The Reds' starter was Bronson Arroyo--traded last year from the Red Sox for a fourth outfielder (Willy Mo Pena). Arroyo is now the Reds' #1 starter--a trade that has yet to pay off for the Sox. After struggling with his control in the first inning, he settled down to throw five shutout innings. The local papers here are calling him a "magician." On the strength of back-to-back homers from Adam Dunn (3-run dinger) and Brandon Phillips, the Reds skated to an easy 7-0 win. Chad Moeller added a homer with two outs in the eighth--adding fuel to his comeback bid.

A couple players of interest from this game were Joey Votto, Ryan Freel, Josh Hamilton (all of the Reds), and Fabio Castro (Phillies). Votto is a young player late of the Chattanooga Lookouts (who I watched live in 2005)--just trying to make the team. Freel is a 31-year-old who hit .271 last year for the Reds, and I found Castro a curiousity--with his unique name, his diminutive size (5'7"), and his 1.54 ERA with last year's Phillies club. Josh Hamilton was the top pick of the Devil Rays in 1999, out of the game for two years with drug problems, Hamilton is making a comeback as a 25-year-old outfielder (he batted just .260 in single A ball for 15 games last summer).

What About the Bagels?

"Did you get him the bagels?" That was one of the first pieces of baseball chatter I heard at Spring Training. For those of you scoring at home, Carp and I have safely made it to Sarasota, Florida and have imbibed the Reds-Phillies game. And it was while garnering some relish from the condiment stand, that I heard a tall, muscular guy from the security detail bark about bagels. He had been standing behind me when I got my bratwurst and hot dog--but when his cell phone vibrated, he efficiently snapped it open and barked, "Did you get him the bagels? (beat) I told you to get him the bagels! You do what I tell you to do." Then growing increasingly hostile he mumbled something about the give and take of their orders, before snapping his phone shut again with, "Get it done." He looked like an even-keel, friendly guy, but this was wildly aggressive--and about what? I wondered if perhaps he was procuring a late breakfast for Glossie Atkins, Sarasota's jovial mayor (pictured in the Reds' media guide). When the security man's call was over, I turned to him and he smiled wryly at me with a welcome to Sarasota grin.

Arriving in time for the 1:05 start was a minor adventure. We drove for five and a half hours on Friday from Atlanta to Gainesville, but without a hotel reservation, found everything booked for a cheerleader convention. We soldiered on to Ocala another 30 minutes further south, and after stumbling through a few more hotel lobbies (a rodeo was rumored to be in town), we found a vacancy at the Courtyard by Marriott (our clerk grumbled slightly about a Christian basketball tournament being the source of our trouble). Great room--I got the king suite while Carp slept on the pull-out in the living room. We had an amazing meal while the final seconds ticked down in the Florida-Butler NCAA basketball game. We had prime rib at the Lonestar Steakhouse while enduring horrible service from our mutton-chopped waiter.

Saturday morning we had two hours to travel before game time, and arrived at the ballpark around 12:30--much later than we wanted to--and were surprised to see so many people for a 6,000-seat stadium. Cars and pedestrians were everywhere and it was looking like a very long, frustrating wait to get into the parking lot. That's why I drove around the line of cars waiting to get into the lot, and headed away from the stadium. I thought there must be a way to circle around behind everyone and sneak in. After rounding a corner, and heading in the general direction of the lot, I spotted a vacant field with faint tire tracks and popped off the street and on to the grass. We drove my Toyota Corolla along a 100-yard stretch of grass, with the lot directly in front of us--when we came to the end of the field, we found a stream of cars entering the parking lot from the right and from the left of us--all I had to do was bump off the curb and mingle in. Of course, all the other drivers looked at me with envy and resspect for my ingenuity as I cut to the front of the line, and made my way to the parking lot.

What is Man Trip?

The following post is dedicated to my lovely, understanding, adorable wife--who suffers my foolishness and cares for our children while I take these little trips. I love you, Paula.

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With "Man Trip Five" (MTV) starting today, I thought I'd write up some of the highlights from trips 1-4 (2002-2005). This will give you something to do while we're driving toward our destination today. Keep stopping by for daily updates on the trip.

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A note about Man Trip: JohnVano and Chris Carp met in college. Carp was a year ahead of John and they didn't become friends until Carp's senior year in college. John was hosting a "popular" campus radio program at the time called "The Blazing Banner" show. Carp was the station's general manager. Interested in the phenomenon of John's program, Carp began to sit in during the live broadcast. Quickly, John and Carp slid into a natural banter as Carp played wingman and sometime comic foil to John's host.

Each program featured a call-in contest, and the winning team at the end of the night would be rewarded with a piece of unwanted junk (usually an old record) they found at the radio station. Each would "fake" the signatures of the "famous" artist(s) and sign the cover, then the two of them would make a symbolic march from the radio studios to the winning team's dorm room--arriving shortly after 1 a.m.

John and Carp cemented their friendship by "borrowing" the video equipment from the arts department and making music videos with other friends in the afternoons, and while pulling all-nighters completing their course work and studying. After college, Carp lived nearby in what John called "the cabin." They'd get together every other week or so to hang out while John finished school and Carp worked and saved money for his wedding. Following those two years, the two friends lived many hundreds of miles away from each other--but always kept in touch.

The Man Trip was created in 2002 to give them an opportunity to see each other at least once a year and to recapture some of the lost remembrances of their unfinished lives.

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Man Trip I: Appalachian Trial hike (Amicalola Falls to Dahlonega, Georgia), May 2002.

Believe it or not, we began our grueling, 4-day hike at Dunkin' Donuts. At my urging, we split a dozen donuts as we drove 90 minutes to the trail head and donned our 40-pound packs. We had a few donuts left, so we stuck them under the front seat of the car--in case we got hungry on the way back (4 days later!).

One Last "Man Trip One" Rejoinder

Man Trip Five (MTV) begins this Friday when I pick Carp up from the airport named after two people. Before we began our daily chronicle from Trip the Fifth, we had intended to recap each previous trip so that my faithful readers would have some appreciation and familiarity with this annual journey. But, as both of us are fathers and possessors of excellent careers, this did not happen. So herewith is a short rejoinder to Carp's last treatise, and in my next post I'll share some of the highlights (from my perspective only) of each trip prior.

The Rejoinder: It should be obvious to all that Carp could not possibly know Bill Bryson. And aside from stalking, he has had no direct knowledge of Bryson. Nor does Bryson have any earthly idea who Carp is. Again, I'm sure this doesn't need to be said.

Next, I must give props to Carp for his candor in describing the miserable state of his being just prior to his evacuation from the trail. He did indeed panic, throw up his arms, and run flailing out of the woods to stop a young man attempting to spend quality time fishing with his infirm father. With his pleading, Carp interrupted what was perhaps the final significant moments between father and son before the elder slipped off into incoherence. So thank you, Chris, for your transparency. That's growth. My only hope is for similar personal growth on each Man Trip--after all, that's what they're for.

What makes Carp's tale even funnier, is that his attempt to bribe someone for a ride into town--was actually pre-meditated!

Man Trippin’: Get Me Off This Mountain!

Carp concludes his series on Man Trip I:

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My hiking mentor and friend Bill Bryson (A Walk in the Woods) gave me some valuable advice one time in relation to hiking on the Appalachian Trail. He said, “Life takes on a neat simplicity. Time ceases to have any meaning. When it is dark, you go to bed and when it is light again you get up. And everything in between is just in between. It’s quite wonderful really.”

While Bryson is certainly my hiking mentor and I do consider him a friend even though I have never met him, what he pontificates is undeniably true about the AT hiking experience. When it is dark, you sleep.  When it is light, you hike. And in my case, everything in between is filled with excruciating pain, crappy freeze dried food, and a loss of appetite due to my excruciating pain and the crappy freeze dried food. But I have to admit, life on the AT really is quite wonderful despite the extreme physical challenges. Why?  Because you can essentially shut the world off for a period of days, weeks, and in some cases months. And like John said earlier this week, people just tend to be nicer on the trail.

However, by the fourth day of Man Trip 1, I was definitely ready to leave the trail. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. As we broke camp that fateful fourth morning, we prayed as we began our journey for the day. I asked God for strength, energy, and good health. But I must confess, I also asked that if it was His will would He please send us a vehicle to deliver me from my mountain of misery.

At the time it seemed like a pretty tall order. After all, just how many cars, trucks, and ATV’s would possibly cross our path? It was pretty foolish of me I must confess.

All that really mattered was that we had many more mountains to cross before re-emerging into society the next day.

One thing was certain. I didn’t know how many more mountains we could make it over as John seemed to be just as listless as I was. Boy was I wrong.

Oh Yeah? (Counterpoint to "Revisionist History")

I will admit that I am the optimist--probably to a fault. But Carp is equally as dangerous with his pessimism. I might set out happily on a trail, with just a bottle of water and a passion to explore. I won't have a watch or a compass, and I'll just hike until I feel like turning back. Meanwhile, Carp is the kind of guy who will have a whistle around his neck, a safari hat, a canteen, a backpack with two more canteens, no less than 12 Cliff bars, gauze, bear repellent, and a snake bite kit. Oh, and he'll constantly be squinting up into the sun and asking, "Is it high noon yet? Think we should turn back?"

Obviously I am being facetious. Carp would never rely on the sun for the time--he'd wear a watch.

While it is true that I did pack hair gel for our first four-day foray into the deep woods, it was only in order to make myself more socially acceptable as we encountered fellow hikers in the community of the trail. Have you ever noticed how much friendlier people are when in the woods? It's a certifiable fact--just get out there and do some certifying and I guarantee you'll find the same result. You get a "hello" every time you pass someone (except perhaps men over sixty who hike solo with ski poles) and often you'll make a friend (like the former girl scout troup leader we met on top of Springer Mountain in 2002).

Carp may talk about the different lenses through which we see the world--and I will give him that. But there are also things that happened, and things that didn't happen. We both have flairs for the dramatic--and while mine usually involve well-crafted sentences, he never fails to resort to... well, just making stuff up.